In particular, I ask her whether she’s told her shrink, who happens to be a man about five years older than she is to whom she is deeply attracted, that the real reason she broke up with the last guy is because they had really lousy sex. ” “Yeah, so don’t they end up being the same conversation? Robinson look like Mother Theresa.” “Well, to be honest, I’m uncomfortable talking to him about sex. ” “It’s not like I don’t have insurance.” “Okay, but you have a co-pay, right?
“We really don’t talk very much about sex.” “You go see a shrink, and you don’t talk about sex? How you can you not end up talking about sex when you’re talking about your mother? Even if it’s only fifteen bucks, you’re still a very busy woman, and you have to travel to get to this appointment, make space in your life, make space in your head, and what you’re doing is sitting there, inventing this entirely constructed character, so that this guy who you otherwise do not know will think of you a certain way and offer you—what? That he’ll sign the piece of paper that you’re not nuts? He’s got to sign the paper that says I nuts, or else I can’t come back after twenty visits.” “Oh, that’s gorgeous. I can see that this whole therapy thing is doing you a lot of good already.” “Stop. I’m spitting out my coffee, and if I get it on my shirt I’ll have to change before I go to today’s session.” “Oh, because you can’t go in looking like a person, right?
I worry if my deepest thoughts are easily readable. Each time, I sit with my Google calendar ready to pick a time to see my shrink, while he buzzes through his busy appointment book, until BAM! No one wants to fart, burp, or cry in front of the therapist. Hugging isn't quite right and waving seems so casual to the person I just unearthed my soul to. It's a tough call and sometimes I'm awkwardly waiting for him or her to make the final call on how to wrap it up. Yup, my shrink and my partner know the good, bad, and ugly about me.7. I know that moment when I'm not sure what to say to the therapist, so I sit in your comfy chair or lie on the beaten couch and wonder what the hell is going on?
Sometimes when I'm on a date, I wonder, is my face or are my words letting on more than I want to let on? Well, crying pretty much comes with the territory when it comes to therapy, but the first time is a little embarrassing, especially when the therapist hands off the tissue box. Oh, and nobody wants to fart while revealing daddy issues. It's sort of like when I'm arguing with the dude I'm dating, and I'm so mad at him but won't say a word.
There I was for the very first time, meeting my brand new therapist. What if I have to pee in the middle of some deep therapeutic revelation? I wonder when I get to unearth the deep stuff like why I always get sexually excited by the sound of a whip.2. Just like dating when I wait and wait and wait to hear back for the second or third date, it's a ton of fun ... My fear of accidentally farting plagues my thoughts. Say, "Thank you for listening to me rattle on about my imaginary friends," or, "Have a good day after listening to my depressing love life"? Do I want to kiss the person, hug the person, run for my life, or smack him or her? My therapist gets to know all about me and my lovely self, as well as my weirdest quirks. Or, if I lock myself in the bathroom, I might be obsessively checking Facebook where he or she can't see.I’ve barely looked into my therapist’s blue eyes at all, and yet I think the hour has gone very well. On the surface, when the patient has been highly selective of the discussion topics, therapy always resembles a friendly get-together.More from Narratively: “Lessons from a Childhood Spent Touching Myself”“Well,” my therapist, Lori, says, the millisecond after I become certain our time is up and I might be in the clear.“That.”Back in session three Lori was trying to build my self-esteem, the lack of which is one of the reasons I’m in treatment.Within the confines of my family, I’ve always been the biggest target of ridicule.I'm Well, just grab a flower, pick off the petals, and see if "he loves me or he loves me not."Therapy is exactly like dating.